Dear Thalia

Dear Thalia,

you messed up. You messed up a 20 year old friendship with a very special person, and for what? To keep your own twisted sense of self? There is nothing that my husband has done to deserve this, and this is why I am so angry with you. You have hurt my person. He may not be in pain about you anymore, but he has suffered throughout these past years, throughout these past 6 months, and you just don’t seem to understand why.

How is it possible that you simply don’t get it? You are an intelligent person, yet you remain oblivious to what your friend was trying to communicate to you. I have an outside perspective of your friendship to my husband, I am not like him influenced by happy memories and a weighted history, so when he tells me about his suffering, and I look at your actions and behaviour, then I can really see where you are in the wrong. With that said, I am starting to think that you are the one playing mind games here, yet you accuse him of the very same. It may not be true that you are deliberately playing him, after all you seem quite oblivious, but don’t accuse him of offences that you have committed, knowingly or not. All he ever tried to do is make you understand, in different ways, approach you from different angles and in different tones, and for some reason you think he is playing chess with you. You on the other hand keep him warm for yourself, not wanting him to change anything about the affection and attention he has been giving you. You are the one who lashes out when confronted with your own behaviour, trying to sweep things under the rug, trying to force your ideal status quo on another human being. My husband has reflected on his own behaviour and redirected his course whenever he was even slightly worried he may have offended you. He has told you that he suffered from the lack of honest communication with you, and you pat him on the head and tell him to focus on something else. You ridicule him, telling him in so many words that he is overreacting.

You are an emotional vampire, only loving a person under your own conditions, only giving enough to make sure you get what you desire. You are appalled at a friend overstepping your boundaries that you have never set in the first place, yet you continuously make sure you get the kind of attention that fulfills something that you seem to be missing. It almost seems desperate. Perhaps if you were a more self-reflecting person, you’d get along well with your own husband (remember, your prince charming?) and he could love you better. Your attitude reeks of entitlement. Combine that with the fact that you hide behind the persona of being a busy mom, and all that is left is a very self absorbed person who treats others like they should be glad you are making time for them.

How come when you needed my husband, he was there for you, but you yourself could only find one single day of the entire year that you could possibly spend with him? How come when you need him to wait for you, he had to wait for weeks before being able to contact you again? I don’t care how busy you are, you cannot put people on a shelf and retrieve them whenever you want to. What would you have done if he needed you as a friend when you happened to be busy? You told him he is too unavailable, which is untrue because he is literally available all of the time, yet you yourself make it crystal clear that he came somewhere near last place on a very long list of more important things.

Now he is gone. My husband no longer wants to hear from you, and you are probably surprised by his conviction. That is because you underestimated the pain you have caused, you undermined everything he was trying to communicate with you. He obviously meant it, and he was not swayed by your shallow words of deflection and avoidance.

If you ever care to find out what caused this break up, if you ever dig deeper and learn how your former friend felt treated by you, then I can almost hear what you would have to say in response. More deflection. You would say that he overreacting, and that it is his fault for dwelling on the past. Ultimately you would blame him, then shrug him off, saying you are too busy for this shit anyways, and then you would still not see that in the end, all he wanted from you is to be his friend in return. Not a sounding board, like you wanted him to be, but somebody who would once in her life be open and honest with him, who would reflect truthfully and acknowledge that there is a soul on the other end of the line.